Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

ONLY 7 MORE VOTING DAYS!!! - TOP 25 FUNNY MOMS!

OH NO!  I'm DOWN TO #21!!!!!

Just a reminder that you can vote EVERY DAY (well every 24 hours) on Circle of Moms for MommyLITE to be one of the TOP 25 FUNNY MOM BLOGS!!!!

You guys have been SOOOOO AMAZING and I am so incredibly grateful for all of your votes so far!! But in order to win I need to still in the top 25 by the 21st!  If I am, my blog could get pimped to 6 million people!!!

Thanks so much for helping me everyone!!!!  All you have to do is CLICK HERE TO VOTE!  (No registration necessary!!!!)  Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms - 2012 .


Friday, March 9, 2012

Shoe Stories: #5 "Working Girl"

Welcome once again to Shoe Diaries!  Okay, it's been a few weeks since my last "Shoe Story" but come on...give a newly back-in-the-working-world girl a break!

You may have forgotten.  Why am I doing stories about shoes??

Well, I believe there's something about a pair of shoes that changes your whole mood.  Your whole outlook.  Let's face it, Cinderella's story would never have worked if she had a glass hat, or a glass handbag.   She needed a pair of beautiful shoes in order for her transformation to be complete.

(To read the full intro to the series, just click here, and then submit your own story!...)

And in honor of my new job and being back in the office-world working force (Blogging for "Fashion Police at E! Television!!!!) I give you my latest entry in my Shoe Stories series..."Working Girl."

"Working Girl"

I bought these shoes almost 20 years ago.

I KNOW!  They're totally back in style, right??!!!  (Don't say 'no'...I can't hear you).

Back in 1992 I was working at William Morris Agency in NYC as an assistant since 1989 and this was the year I was promoted to Agent in the Literary Department.  I didn't get all of the fanfare the other agents got when they were promoted.  A huge mass  company-wide e-mail.  Pats on the back from higher-ups.  Invitations to lunch at Michael's.  Nope.

Mine was a quiet promotion - like one of those marriages that happens behind a trailer at the end of a shot gun because you're an embarrassment.  The heads of my department didn't even send out an e-mail.

I will always believe that the reason my rise at the agency wasn't publicized was because they didn't  believe in what I was doing.  I had created their Children's Book/Entertainment department and they were VERY skeptical.  They didn't believe books for kids made worthwhile money and they certainly didn't believe kids movies could do any kind of serious business.  But I did.  And I was so happy doing what I was doing.

I signed some amazing clients, lots of talented writers and illustrators whose names might not ring a bell, but also some who might; Dav Pilkey (Captain Underpants...yes...I sold that series); Cynthia Rylant ("Missing May"); Betty and Michael Paraskevas ("Maggie and the Ferocious Beast"), Paul Zindel ("Pardon Me You're Stepping on My Eyeball"); I even had the honor of working Bill Cosby on his Little Bill book series.  I TOTALLY AND THOROUGHLY BELIEVED in what I was doing SO MUCH.  But they didn't.   I was shoved in an small office near the conference room on the second floor - the LAST stop for any important agency business; the FIRST stop for the agents who suddenly liked me because they wanted me to sell their celebrity client's wives crappy children's book idea, "Little Christmas Tree that Could." They'd smile, dump the thoughtless manuscript on my desk and run out of my office before another real agent saw them talking to me.

William Morris sucked.

Anyway, I was so incredibly proud of myself for becoming an agent I went out and bought myself my first REALLY nice pair of shoes.  These shoes.  Black Gucci stacked heels with cap toe and silver buckle.  And I felt SO smart, savvy and SUCCESSFUL when I wore them.  I was like a Literary Princess.

WMA (sorry...WME now) let me go in 1997 saying that the kids entertainment business would never be lucrative.  I still have nightmares about that place. 

But I still have my shoes.  My first "I'm a real Literary Agent" shoes.

And every time I wear them I am reminded that I was the ONLY ONE one at that talent agency who believed that entertainment for children could have an impact - and I was right!

Ironically, my first children's book "On My Way to the Bath" - illustrated by one of my long-time clients and friends, Michael Paraskevas - will be published by Walker Books on May 22nd.

Needless to say...I am TOTALLY wearing these shoes to my first book signing.






These Gucci pumps

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Circle of Moms Voted MommyLITE a TOP 25 FUNNY BLOG!!!!

OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!

I was JUST nominated by Circle of Moms as one of the top 25 Funny Moms!!!!!! I don't know what they're smokin' there but I am SO honored and excited!

Now all I need to make it to the Top 10 is to get votes! LOTS of Votes! Whether you've enjoyed my writing, or just feel sorry for my kids I would be SO grateful if you would JUST CLICK on the button below and vote for MommyLITE! It's super easy!

THANK YOU DRUNK PEOPLE AT CIRCLE OF MOMS!!!! The NEXT round is on me!!!

Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms - 2012 .

Friday, March 2, 2012

Is Your Uvula Showing?

Uvula! Uvula! UUUUUVVEEEEUUUUULAAAHHHHH!!!

Livi's running around the house shouting "Uvula!  Uvula!" and I have no idea why.

I had to look it up because I wasn't entirely sure what it was.  Or if she should get in trouble for saying it.

Turns out our uvula is that little dangling punching bag that hangs down in the back of your throat.  Okay, not punishment worthy at all.

She ran down the hall, "Izzy, is your uuuuvula showing?

Izzy gave her a board stare.  "Stop it, Livi."

She trotted back to her room  "Ben! Put away you're Uvula!'

His response?  "Hee-Hee!!...What's a uvula?"  I swear, he's her best audience.

She turned to her fish, Jeffrey.  "Your new name is, Uvuuuula."

I had to ask her, "Why do you keep saying that?"

"It's fun to say."

"Where did you hear that word?" (She's only in 2nd grade. Wouldn't you want to know?)

"My friends at school."

I imagined a bunch of girls giggling about the word, thinking they were being very inappropriate, having no idea what they were talking about.

"Do you know what a Uvula is?"  I asked, ready to prove my point.

"Yes!  It's something in your throat."  Touche.

Ben felt around the outside of his neck.  "Oh yeah!  I can feel it!"

"Ben...you can't feel your uvula.  Not on your neck at least."  I added.

"Yeah." Said the all-knowing Izzy.  "And if you touch it, you throw up."

So, this was my evening.  I realize it isn't dinner table conversation.  But I couldn't help but take a little pride in the intellectual level of our conversation.   Yes.  My kids know what a Uvula is.  And that you throw up if you touch it.

Are my expectations too low?


This story was originally published here on MommyLITEonline.com on 6/11/11.   Hope you don't mind the rerun! 

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Fortune Teller

Livi told me my fortune tonight.

She made one of those folded paper things you stick your fingers in and you make up fortunes that you put on the inside. 

These are the fortunes Livi came up with:

You will smell a poo
you will eat nail polish
You will eat a pickle
you will eat your toe
you will get knats
you will end up like Kim Kardashian
You will marry Justin Beaver

Turns out I'm going to marry Justin Beaver.  Phew.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

New Day New Job...as a Fashion Cop!

So, I'm sitting here at my NEW desk (actually, it's an intern's desk...but I'm here now!) at my NEW job at E! TV's Fashion Police!

I'm writing online content for the website and new App (TO BE LAUNCHED SOON) and while I had no idea when it was going to start  - they offered me the job in October - I got the call last week I was starting this Monday.  Months of sitting around and I'm all psyched to be professional and stuff and they call and say "CAN YOU START MONDAY!" and I have to say "Um...it's President's Day and ALL 3 of my kids are off from school.  Er...should I bring them?"  Typical.  Well, I didn't bring them and I had to work "remotely" from Huntington Gardens which where friends and I had planned on taking our kids, but they had NO WIFI and I had to type my posts into my iPhone

Anyway, I am psyched I have a reason to shower and dress.  Well, today I actually forgot to shower.  No joke.  I just got dressed like I do every day and realized...oops...should have showered...you know, because I'm going to be in an office.  But it was too late.  I already had pants on and that's a big step for me in the morning.  So I sit here.  Not quite as fresh as I'd like.

And it's so weird!!!

I haven't been in an office since my twins were born almost 9 years ago.

I parked myself at this intern's desk and some young guy poked his head over the cubicle and said "You the new intern?"

I said "Don't I look a little old to be an intern?"

He shrugged and extended his hand.  Wish I could remember his name.  He seemed nice.

Anyway, this is nothing like my office at Mattel or William Morris.  There are recent issues of Star Magazine on my desk, a copy of Kendra's autobiography and the person in the office next to me is watching "Family Guy."

I think I'm going to like it here.

Oh crap.  I just realized I forgot to pack my power cord for my computer.  I'd better get to work before my computer dies....

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