Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Booty Trap

My toilet seat is booby trapped.

There have been clues all along, but I just put 2 and 2 together. 

Every time I sit down on the toilet my kids are alerted and suddenly I am bombarded with "Mommy, I need you." "Mooooooom?  Where are you?" and "MOM! Do you know what Ben did?"

They could have been in their rooms quiet and content for hours.  They could be out in the playroom deeply enmeshed in a game of Mario Kart.  Hell, they could be down the block at a neighbor's house.  But the second my butt hits that toilet seat they come running.

I'm not sure if the alarm is depressed by my sitting, or if there is a motion sensor, so I decided to check this out.  I examined my toilet.  I lifted the seat, I waved my hand over the bowl, I even looked under rim.  Nothing.

I pressed my kids for answers.  "What have you done to my toilet?" I asked.  They stared at me with blank faces.  Livi giggled.  I'm on to them.

I'm not sure if they wear wireless receivers that buzz them the moment my ass hits the seat or if some high-pitched sound, one that can only be heard by dogs and children under 10, is emitted the second my buns are exposed above the bowl.

But either way, it is an effective system that alerts them to my whereabouts - letting them know I am not busy on the computer, not cooking dinner, and hence completely available to them for conversation.  A captive audience so to speak.

I would love to find the bug and deactivate the alarm.  To make it so that when I enter the bathroom it is the bastion of peace and solitude it used to be - before they installed the system.

If I could only find the little bugger!

Last night we went to a friend's house for dinner.  Afterwards, nature called and my friend offered me use of her private facilities upstairs in her room.  So I could have a little peace and quiet.

The kids were all engaged in games, movies or playing with the dogs outside.  So I took her up on her offer.

I sat down and thought "Ahhhh...peace and quiet."

Sure enough "Stomp, stomp, stomp..." I hear my son coming up the stairs and he's calling for me.  "Mom????  When's dessert?"

I couldn't believe it.

I guess their toilet's bugged too.


  1. That is so funny and so TRUE! What is it with kids and us using the bathroom or the bath??? Thanks for the laugh!

  2. SO funny! I love it...all the kids are doing it these days...! :)

  3. Mine too. I also had a mini tantrum this morning because my kids always decide it's time to brush their teeth whenever I'm using the bathroom mirror to apply my make up....friggity frig frig @#$%!

  4. Mrs. Sitcom - I swear they are! Where do they buy these devices? Target?

  5. In this house the husband seems to be in on it too...especially if there is a shower involved. Its like a parade to the bathroom to interupt mommy!

  6. I have told my kids that when the door is shut I need privacy. That worked for a while, but now my son knocks and then comes in! Whatever...

  7. I love love love your blog! I am so happy that you found me! We all need a lot of humor in our lives these days! Thanks for sharing the toilet story. I laughed so hard! I am following you now too!

  8. So funny! I'm pretty sure we've got the same device on mine.

    No rest (or potty breaks) for mommies I guess.

  9. I so get this. Just did a post about this on my blog!

  10. the telephone has the same effect at my house. As soon as the phone rings and it's someone I WANT to talk to, the kids are immediately alerted!

  11. Absolutely true! My phone seems to have a similar bug! I very rarely chat on he phone. But when I do, all hell breaks loose among the children and it's usually right at my feet! You're in good company! :-)

    Found your blog through MBC! :-)

  12. IT used to be the same when my kids were at home and believe it doesn't get better with them growong up, guess what, it's even funnier when they all come over for a visit, they,ll start to converse nicely and then they'll start to fight a bit and then as usuall I need to use the bathroom and they're really going at or whatever they're doing and as oon as I'm hitting that seat it'' MOM Steven won't leave me alone, or '' Jack isn't helping me clean up'' all of a sudden I feel like they're all little again and like they're living with us still, and all I can do is look at myself in the mirror and smile and say , gee it's nice to have them home for the weekend.

    Thanks by the way for visiting my blog

  13. Hi Sarah! It's Deanna from yesterday-I so enjoyed getting a chance to talk to you (even if just for a minute), and now you'll know my TRUE identity-dorky domestic wanna be. I am enjoying your blog - I had one son who was a follwer, and one who would even crawl onto the bathroom and want to sit on my lap-nice way to make the bladder shy, kid!

  14. My kids are ages 7-12 and still do that!

    Found you on MBC and following you! Your so close to 100!

  15. My three week old has already bugged my toilet. For the record I have the calmest baby ever, she doesn't cry much. At the momen she jus sleeps and wakes up every now and then with a brief wail so I know she's hungry. But when I go to the bathroom suddenly she's up and crying, same deal with the phone or sitting down to eat. Its amazing. I'm loving every minute of it though

  16. I have a blog award waiting for you on my blog. Please drop by and accept it when you get a chance.


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