Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Friday, April 23, 2010

7 and 7

My twins are 7.

Yesterday was their birthday and we celebrated by going to our ritual birthday restaurant -  Benihana's - where there's something everyone will eat and the onion volcano never ceases to entertain.

Birthdays are normally the time we celebrate being one year older - but my twins get to celebrate something extra special on their birthday - the brief chance be different ages.

Livi is 35 minutes older than Ben.  That is not a typo.  THIRTY-FIVE minutes.

Liv was an easy birth - out in 4 pushes.  BWIP!  Out she came.  At 7:05 pm.

Ben however, was an entirely different story.  Freed from the crushing presence of his 6 lb 4 oz sister, my boy took full advantage of the open space and floated unsquished and liberated around my roomy uterus.  He spread out his arms and legs which had only known one curled position till that moment, and STTRRRREEEEEETCHED while my doctor fished around for his legs to pull him out. 

Yes.  Tried to pull him out!  It was more of a fishing expedition than a human birth.  My doctor was up to his elbow in vagina - my vagina - for over half an hour.   I was a human hand-puppet.  There is a medical name for this - Breech Extraction - and it's not very common.  Apparently, so uncommon that the entire community of medical students at Cedars Sinai congregated in my O-R to watch my doctor fish my son out of my uterus.  Is it any wonder I lack modesty?

Anyway, around 7:30 my doctor started sweating and was getting pissed at "the fish who kept getting away" and it was looking like a C-Section when FINALLY, Ben cooperated and let the doctor grab him by the ankles.  At 7:40pm, my 6 lb boy was born.  He was smiling.  Well, it was more of a cheeky smirk.

And now they have 35 minutes every year where they are different ages.  Livi has 35 minutes to be the "Big Sister" and she wields it over Ben in that obnoxious way that only big sisters know how to do.


"How does it feel Livi?" I ask.


Ben is frowning.

"Hey Ben - Being 7 is GREAT!  You wouldn't know this!  You're not 7!"

But then as 7:39 comes around, we count down to them becoming twins again -

Collectively we count - "58, 57, 56...Ooo Livi, you're almost not older then Ben anymore!"

"ACK!  NO!"

"43, 42, 41..."

"Here it comes, Livi!  You're almost a twin again!"


Ben smiles, he's cheering, "10, 9, 8!!!!..."

"You ready, Livi?  You ready to be a twin again????/!!!!  Ben you ready??/!!!!"

"...3, 2, 1...YAY!!!!!!  YOU'RE TWINS AGAIN!!!!!!"

"Awwww...."  says Livi.

"Yaaaay!..."  says Ben,

And nature is back in balance.

We went home and opened presents, and got into bed.

Another birthday - another year old...and then another year older.  Cool.


  1. Oh, so that is why you are an open book! I bet you hate fishing, don't you? I love the Human Hand Puppet! I'm still laughing!

    Happy birthday to your 35 minutes older daughter and your son the fish!

  2. My twin #2 was a breech extraction. Thank God for epidurals... that's all I thought about during that whole process. Reading this sure brings back memories...


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