Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Monday, May 17, 2010

Irony Man

My book was due this weekend.  I've been writing every day from 7 am till 11pm.  My eyes don't work, my brain is fried and all I do is type, type, type and hope I form cohesive sentences.  I'm completely burnt out.

I'd been carrying my computer everywhere with me - guarding it like I was carrying diamonds.  There should be handcuffs on the computer bag the way I cling to it.

My editor told me I could take till this morning to get it in so I convinced myself I deserved to kick back for 2 hours and go see Iron Man.  I didn't want to stop working but I REALLY wanted to see it.  LOOOOVE Robert Downey Jr.

So I gave myself that "well-deserved" break.

We parked and I carried my bag inside with me - partially because I felt guilty about not working and thought maybe I could squeeze in some work time while I waited for the movie and also because I'm always afraid the fates are after me and that if I didn't bring it sure enough the care would be broken into and all of my hard work would be gone forever - along with my computer. 

The movie started.  I got enjoy 2 hours of action-packed laughter.  Aaaahhhhhh.  It felt so good. We left the theatre and I felt refreshed and ready to write again.

We pulled up in front of my house.  The kids looked occupied.  My nanny was there to handle trouble and my boyfriend was giving me a free pass to miss a party so I could keep writing.

I went to grab my computer bag off the back seat...

It was gone.


Panic was beating in my head, coming out my pours, making my hands shake.

Where did I put it?  Where was I?  Did I leave it at the theatre?  Was it stolen?  HOW COULD I LEAVE MY COMPUTER BAG WITH SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT JUST LAYING AROUND??????  My whole year's work was in there - along with the computer I bought so I could do "said" work.  I am such an IDIOT!

Why did I go to a movie?  I should have been working.  This is fate punishing me for being lazy.

We turned around and drove to the theatre across town at the speed of light - I can't believe the cops didn't pull me over.  The police in Beverly Hills sit all over town poised behind large shrubs and topiaries, ready to nab someone who commits any and every offense. 

Scott pulled up to the theatre and I jumped out before he even came to a complete stop.

I ran inside.

WHEW!!!!  It was on the floor where I left it.  Sitting there.  Like it was no more important than a wadded up napkin.

I hopped into the car relieved and gave Scott exactly 10 minutes to make every joke he needed to.  "Soooo...couldn't leave it in the car like I suggested...,"  "Hmm, let's see, you called me stupid for having to run back inside to get a jacket last night...let's see...forgetting jacket...forgetting life's work...hmmmmmm"

"Yeah...yeah...I get it.  I'm an idiot.  You were right.  I was wrong.  Your 10 minutes are up."

This morning, after the manuscript was sent and "whooshed" off to my editor via e-mail, I relaxed.  For the first time in 6 months.

As I drove to a breakfast meeting, a friend called to tell me with good dirt.  It was nice to have the time to listen.  Yes...freedom is good.

Then I saw the flashing lights behind me.

Yes.  I got pulled over for talking on my cell phone.

The fates have finally nabbed me.


  1. You've earned a much deserved celebration! Leave the computer at home......
    xox Sonja

  2. After adopting our sixth child, the case worker asked "How do you see your life after the children are gone?" I said "I can't imagine my life without children" and now I don't have tobecause the fates heard me. We adopted number seven, a one day old baby boy, and his sister when I turned 61. Jody Worsham

  3. That day would've given me a heart attack! What is your book called and what is it about? How fun! I dream of writing a book someday...even if it ends up in the $1 bins at Garden Ridge. I can at least say that I did it! Thanks for sharing!


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