Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Monday, June 7, 2010

It's My Birthday!

I just turned 44.

Forty-four has always been one of my favorite numbers, so I've been kind of optimistic about this being a good year.

The morning started the way all special mornings do when you're a mom - the kids fighting outside your door about who gets to wake you up,  who's card I'll open first and whether or not I should be allowed to pee before you open their offerings.

Oh, I knew they'd have offerings.  I made sure of it.  In fact, I gave them $50 to spend at the mall to make sure they'd have offerings.

I know I should have said "just make mommy something from the heart."  But you know what?  I want goods.  Cold, hard, material goods, and quite honestly, the sooner they learn that, the happier we'll all be.  Besides, picking out a gift for someone is a very important life skill they'll need to hone, don't you think?  When people give crappy gifts, no one wins.

So I gave them cash last week and sent them to the mall with our beloved babysitter, to whom I had pre-fed all of my major likes, dislikes, and various body part measurements.  I was wondering if they knew me well enough to buy me a gift I'd really use and was really curious to see what they'd come up with.  I was very optimistic.
 So a whole hour after they woke me up at 6 am with their fighting outside my bedroom door, I made some loud yawning noises that alerted them to my awakened state.  They stumbled over each other to present me with the FIRST real present they'd ever given me.

At their request, I opened the present first.  It was pajamas.  Blue pajamas.   They were soft.  They were comfy.  Okay. 

Then they threw cards at me.  Turns out they used the money I gave them to each pick out their own card so they could express their individual feelings for me.

Livi's card? A kitten with a pretty flower telling me I'm "...the best mommy a kid cood ever have."

Izzy's card?  A picture of a Dachshund in a hot dog costume that suggests I "Party my buns off."

Ben's card?  A photograph of bulldog drinking from a beer glass.  When you open it - it burpsLoud.  

"You know..."  Ben said,  "because you like wine.  And burping."  Yes.  That's what he said to me when I opened it.

I guess they know me better than I realized.

I am very optimistic, indeed.


(P.S.  The evening was capped off with a drive up the Pacific Coast Highway for an AMAZING dinner with my boyfriend at Nobu in Malibu.  Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson sat next to us.  He was really hot!  I was surprised.  But not as hot as my man.  By the way?  The dress - from GILT Group!  God I love that website!)


  1. crack me up! First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Second, I must agree...bring on the presents!! Loved your idea of sending the kiddos to the mall ...I will be remembering that one come July! And last, love the pic of you and your BF (very hot!) look like you enjoyed a romantic night out. Good guy!

    Have a happy Monday!

  2. Happy Birthday! What a great funny :0

    Sandie Lee

  3. Happy Birthday!
    Popping over from twittermoms

  4. The burping beer card- ha! What more could you want?? It is sweet that they all wanted to wish you a happy birthday as soon as you woke up. Happy birthday!

  5. Ok, gift and all cards from the kids- hilarious. And, thank you for including a word about the dress, because I took note right away- awesome.


    from a fellow twittermom

  7. Well, that's exactly the kind of card I'd get. Remember the Miller Lite for Mother's Day! Amazing how they really know us! Well Happy birthday to you! I love the dress, I'll have to check out the website.

    Ok I love the Rock! I think he is a hottie and I don't think I'd kick him out of bed, lol! Who was he with and did you say anything to him?

  8. Happy Birthday! Sounds like you had a lovely day.

    Be glad your kids expressed themselves with their cards and not their gifts! If you are anything like me that pair of pj's will be well loved and well worn. I could lounge in them all day long. (if those damn kids of mine didn't insist on leaving the house forcing me to get dressed!)

  9. Happy Belated Birthday! I'm a new follower from MBC!


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