I accosted Evan Handler today. You know, Charlotte's undefinablly sexy, menchy husband from "Sex in the City."
The poor guy never stood a chance.
He was sitting with his wife (who's really hot, by the way...) watching his kid from the "holding cell" at gymnastics.
I thought "Wow! Evan Handler! I'd LOVE a quote from him for my book, "Got Milf?" He'd be PERFECT!" It took me 45 minutes to decide between respecting his personal space and just biting the bullet for the sake of the book and going over to him. Then it took me another 45 minutes to plan my strategy and work up the nerve to approach him. I told myself "You're a published writer! An author! Not some person off the street. Maybe he'd even like the idea of being quoted in a book. Look he's reading a book. He likes books, see? You're halfway there!..."
Finally, I gripped a business card (unfortunately, I only had one of the crappy "back-up" business cards I had to make for BlogHer - not one of my good cards...) and I performed a surgical strike. I went straight up to him and said: "Hi, Mr. Handler. I love your work I don't want to bug you even for a minute so I'll make this super quick I have a book coming out next spring and it's a pretty big book for the publisher who is Berkley they're a really big publisher and it's called Got Milf? and it's about being a hot mom but it's NOT porn it's a humor book so it's funny but anyway it's a big book for them for the spring and I know if my editor knew I saw you and didn't ask you for a quote she would kill me and I would love a quote from and you're totally perfect for a quote I have a quote already from the Executive Producer of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" so you see I'm the "real deal" and here is my card so if you're interested at all please feel free to check me out yourself and I promise if I see you here again I won't ever mention this again and I'm going to go and disappear right now so I don't bug you anymore. I just had to ask because it would be so great to have a quote from you and I promise not to bother you again you have my card."
I didn't use a single comma. Or breathe. It just all spilled out. Before he could tell me to f*ck off.
He smiled and said "It's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
Then I turned and bolted. My face and entire upper body burning up from embarrassment. Did I just use the words "Real Deal?" Yeah. I'm an idiot.
I think I can kiss that quote good-bye.