Just thought I'd share something fun since I can't write anything today because I am busy serving a steady stream of belgian waffles to my son who's home sick today with a 102 fever. (Apparently, Belgian waffles make him feel better.)
Hope you enjoy. :)
A couple is sitting at a table in a restaurant. At the table next to theirs, a man is on presenting a ring to his girlfriend. She accepts. David is looking at his menu.
ALISON: Ohhh!! David, look!!! They’re getting engaged! Remember our wedding?
DAVID: (Not paying attention) Uh huh.
ALISON: I remember it like it was yesterday. You know, the Marcus’ are renewing their vows?
DAVID: Didn’t they do that last year?
ALISON: No, that was the Feinmans.
DAVID: Oh. (He continues reading his menu)
ALISON: Wouldn’t it be nice to renew our vows?
ALISON: You know, renew our commitment to each other.
DAVID: Oh. (He nods and goes back to his menu)
ALISON: All of our friends are renewing their vows. Isn’t that nice?
DAVID: (Dismissively) Uh huh. The scampi looks good, don’t you think?
ALISON: Let’s do it!
DAVID: Do what? Get the Scampi?
ALISON: Get married again!
DAVID: Um…we’re already married.
ALISON: I know. But you know what marriage is like these days. There’s this unspoken rule - it’s not REALLY forever until it’s forever.
DAVID: You know, the whole “Till Death do us Part” thing? That kind of wrapped it up for me. Are you ready to order?
ALISON: OK, okay.... (She looks at her menu) I hated my hair.
DAVID: Excuse me?
ALISON: My hair, at our wedding. It was awful. I looked like a freaky pageant queen.
DAVID: You were a beautiful bride.
ALISON: Every time I look at our wedding album, I cringe.
DAVID: We’re not renewing our vows so you can redo your hair.
ALISON: This isn’t just about that. It would be nice to know that we’ll be together in our old age. That you won’t throw me away like old underwear.
DAVID: I don’t throw away old underwear.
ALISON: Seriously, vow renewals are very common. Everyone’s doing it.
DAVID: It’s a scam to get people like the Marcus’ to cough up the funds TWICE for the most expensive event of their lives. Let’s just drop it, ok?
ALISON: Alright. [Beat – back to her menu] Did you hear? The Mason’s are getting divorced.
DAVID: NO! Really? Why?
ALISON: He’s having an affair. (Beat) It was so obvious.
DAVID: It was? How?
ALISON: He wouldn’t renew his vows.
DAVID: OK, enough! Just because I don’t want to get married “again” doesn’t mean I’m having an affair.
ALISON: All I’m saying is that it’s a sign.
DAVID: No, it's not!
ALISON: It could be.
DAVID: I am…[aware of people staring] I am NOT having an affair.
ALISON: Well, if you’re willing to be exclusive, why not make it official?
DAVID: Are you kidding me? [He holds up her ring finger] This officially cost me several house payments!
ALISON: [Ignoring him] I always dreamed I’d wear a Pink Chanel Boucle suit to my vow renewal ceremony. There’d be a harp and heavy hors d’ouevres.
DAVID: You’ve been planning this?
ALISON: Since the day we got married.
ALISON: I just want to hear that you would choose me all over again. (On the verge of tears) That you still love me.
DAVID: I do love you!
ALISON: (Crying) You won’t marry me – I mean again!
DAVID: This is ridiculous. We have 3 kids, 2 dogs and we share hemorrhoid medicine. How much more “married” can we be?!
Alison sobs loudly as everyone in the restaurant turns to look.
DAVID: OK, ok! Fine! If it’s so important to you, I’ll do it. Let’s renew our vows. (He gets down on one knee) Look! “Alison Mary Finklestein: Will you marry me – again…”
ALISON: You mean it???? Oh, David, I love you!!!! …
DAVID: I love you too.
The newly engaged couple at the next table sees this.
Woman: Oh, look! That’s so cute! They’re getting married, again. I can’t wait till we renew our vows!
Man: Uh...can we set a date for our wedding first?