One of the few positive things about moving is the resurfacing of old treasured objects. Things you've lost track of or that have been buried for so long they've been forgotten.
"Mankie" was Ben's word for his blankie since he was a baby. We like to think this name he bestowed upon his flannel companion was a clever combination of "manly" and "blankie." The truth was probably way less thoughtful.
Ben's "mankie" hasn't looked like a "blankie" in quite a few years. Two thin shredded strips of blankie were all that remained. But then last night we found a pile - a balled up wad of "mankie" strands I had put away so we would always have a few strands around of Mankie in a pinch. Ben was ecstatic and smooshed the shredded wad of familiar softness against his face.
Mankie had been a gift from a baby shower - a shower for him and his twin sister. I had gotten so many blankets for him at that baby shower. He was the 1st boy in our family, and everyone wanted to swathe him in traditional manly coverlets that would safeguard his testosterone. And the blankets were expensive - fluffy, silky or hand-knit by some relative or woman in a foreign country. Every blanket a shade of blue with white trim, white with blue trim, white and blue stripes, all inevitably blue and white in some combination or another so as best celebrate the fact that my child had a penis.
Mankie, however, was not blue and white, or fluffy, or silky, or even hand-knit. Mankie was tan flannel with bright red trim stitched around the edges. Best of all, Mankie was big. Bigger than the other blankets, and liquidy soft. The flannel was thin and malleable - perfect for swaddling because of it’s generous size and seeming ability to mold completely to her boy’s beefy proportions without asphyxiating him. The soft thin flannel had a bit of natural friction that held the boy in without the tucking and pinning necessary for other blankets and the end result was perfect. To me - stylish masculinity. To Ben, a soft, snug cocoon of security and peace. His pliable armor against the strange and stimulating world around him.
And as Ben got bigger and could no longer be contained – certainly not with a thin piece of flannel - mankie became more of a companion. A reminder to him of the security he had felt as a baby, and a reminder to me of the security I could once so simply provide.
And then slowly, piece by piece, strip by strip, Mankie disappeared. A bit in the wash, a bit every night as he chewed on it, until finally, only two thin shreds remained. Two strips so precious he wouldn't sleep with them in his hands for fear he'd lose them in his bed. He tucked them into a special pocket in a stuffed whale for safe keeping. Never telling anyone but me where to find them.
Then last night, when I showed Ben the long-thought gone, balled-up wad of Mankie strips I had found among the ambiguous boxes piled all around our new home, he cheered. And I thought (though he wouldn't admit it), he got a little teary.
I put Mankie into his outstretched eager hands. Immediately, he began to curl it around his fingers, savor the liquid softness moving along the webbing of his man-cub hands, and twist his blanket, and himself, into a curled up ball of contentment.
They were, again, one. And I was transported.