Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Kumba(f*ckin)ya...Or, "Camp and other Character Building Activities"

Camp is good.

Camp is where our children learn to live together - in peace and harmony.  They share bunks, break bread, and promise to be BFF's forever (yes, it's redundant...but they're 11...).

As parents, we send our kids to camp so they can learn about community, sharing and friendship.  All of the important traits that will help guide our children towards becoming responsible citizens and positive members of society.

Yes.  Camp is good.

The other day I dropped my oldest child off at sleep away camp where she'll be for 7 weeks.  I could feel the sense of "community" as I pulled up and through the gates festooned with banners saying "WELCOME BACK FAMILY!

I unpacked her bags, met and hugged lots of other parents, and waved goodbye to my oldest progeny as I headed toward my newly rented Nissan.

That's when I noticed the dent.  yes.  A big fat dent in the passenger side door of my car.  The car that was parked RIGHT outside my daughter's bunk alongside all of the other parent's car.

And no apology, information, or anything. 

Yes people.  A hit and run.  Smack dab on camp grounds in front of tons of people. 


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

What's REALLY Happened at The Today Show!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be on The Today Show? I have. I’ve imagined chatting with the anchors as if we were old college chums and spouting fascinating, captivating bits of information. I have even imagined what I might wear - something blue.  I think I look smarter in blue.

Well, if you watched the show yesterday, you saw me.  ME!  Hangin’ out with Kathie Lee and Hoda, looking uncharacteristically put-together and being as friendly with them as if we hung out every morning braiding each other’s hair.

It was surreal!

I flew in from Los Angeles the night before and the next day arrived at Rockefeller Plaza at 8:30am (…uh…I wasn’t due until 10). I waited it out at Bouchon Bakery across the plaza downing coffee and trying to resist the sweet siren song of sticky buns.

From the counter where I sat you could see all of the people gathered outside the studio windows waving at the anchors inside - hoping to catch somebody’s attention. Soon, I would be one of those people…the ones “inside.” I wondered if anyone inside ever waved back. I would wave back…if anyone waved at me.

At 10am, I sauntered into 30 Rock where my editor and publicist were waiting to meet me. How unexpected! I had an ENTOURAGE! An NBC page (who told us it was her first week) escorted us to the “Green room” where we would wait for hair and make-up, and hang out until it was time for my interview.

For those of you who don’t know, the “Green Room” is the general term for “VIP room” - the holding room where the talented waits for their interviews. And oddly, Green rooms are never green. I think the only reason they call them “green rooms” is what happens to your face when the fear hits.

They’re not quite as glamorous as they sound, but there are some “amenities”:

Of course, there are snacks:

A “Be-Your-Own-Barista” Bar:

Interesting people like Today Show Anchor, Natalie Morales, stop by!

I tried on a few potential outfits I had brought for the show and my entourage (I love saying that…) agreed that the purple was best and assured me that it made me look about as intelligent as anything ever would.

The page came back to escort me to hair and make-up where a genius named Bobby and an artist name Anne transformed me from my everyday self into a glamorous looking “somebody”! (I won’t tell you how long it took them…)

But I will tell you, you have GOT to get on The Today Show for the hair and make-up alone! These people are fabulous! It was transformative!

After my hair was perfectly teased and twisted into a Julia Roberts’-esque hairdo and my makeup was flawlessly applied, I was instructed by my hair stylist to change into my outfit and NOT wreck the good work they had done!

So I’m all dolled up, ready for my “close up” and Angela Lansbury walked in. You wouldn’t believe this, but that lady is TALL! And WOW, she looked fabulous!

They sent me back to the green room to await my interview – getting more and more nervous ever second and broke into lunges ( my heels) to calm my nerves.  Mid-lunge, who should pop in but Bobby of Bobby’s Buzz! (Notice she’s wearing blue…)

My fabulous segment producer...

The youngest guest ever...

As I was nibbling on muffins and chatting with a very nice lady from Redbook Magazine who was doing a segment on cocktails, they came for me. I can’t tell you what happened next. I don’t remember much.

I remember walking out on set trying not to trip over the hundreds of cords and wires that snaked along the floor.

I remember shaking hands with both Kathie Lee and Hoda, unable to stand up to greet them because I was tethered to my perch by a microphone. And I will always remember a woman and her daughter, out on the street behind me, looking through the window, waving…at me.

You know what? I waved back.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

What's it REALLY Like Behind the Scenes at The Today Show

I'm dishin' about "behind the scenes" at The Today Show (or as I'm calling the article "why people on TV are prettier...") on

(Yes, that's me and Natalie Morales on the front page!...down a little your left...down...down...THERE I AM)!

Click here to read the story!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Today Moms - How I Learned to Embrace My Inner Milf!

Sure, sure, you all know I'm on The Today Show this morning!  And if you've missed it - the interview is already up and can be seen HERE.  It's funny to watch because I don't remember ANY of it! (...but I am going on a diet immediately...right after I eat this sticky bun...)

ALSO my article "How I Learned to Embrace My Inner Milf" is up on Today Moms.

I hope you enjoy it, tweet it, facebook it, and share it! The BIG PUSH is ON!!!!!


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

SET YOUR TiVOs!!! I'm on the Today Show Thursday, June 16th!


I have my dress, I have my shoes, and I have my heavy duty now all that's left to do is my eyebrows, color my roots, get a bikini wax (even if it doesn't's a MILFy must), get a manicure (Kathie Lee notices these things), pedicure....oh, and lose 15 lbs.  I wonder if I can accomplish all of that by Monday morning?

Watch out Kathie Lee and Hoda, HERE I COME!

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