Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Mommy Dearest and other Educational Films

My kids think I scream a lot.  They think I'm mean and bossy and just plain absolutely no fun at all.

Well last night I changed all that.

We watched "Mommy Dearest."

I was folding clothes in the TV room which means (according to Mom Rules) since I'm doing something "for everyone" in my house that I get to choose what I want.  (Obviously, I didn't have a lot of choices.)

They stayed for 2 minutes and lost interest because it was "old fashioned."

"Is she dead?" Izzy pointed to Faye Dunaway.


"Is she dead?"  Livi pointed to the little girl as christina.


"Are any of them dead?"  Izzy asked.


"What about the people they play?"


"Which ones."

"Joan Crawford.  She's dead.  Do you mind?  I'm watching the movie."

I guess the fact that somebody was dead intrigued her enough to watch more. 

Livi walked by just as Mommy Dearest was cutting a screaming Christina's hair for playing at her dressing table.  That was all she needed. "Wait!  Can you play that again?"


"I want to see her cut the girls hair off!"

"I'm not rewinding.  Trust me.  There will be more stuff like that."

Obviously, Livi was hooked.

By the time Joan was in the garden cutting down all of her rosebushes with her kids in their pajamas Ben was chewing on his blanket and sitting with us.

"What is she doing to the bushes?"

"She's chopping them down."


"She's sad and angry and freaking out."

"Why do her kids have to be there."

"Because she's MEAN and she's making them help her."

"You wouldn't make us do that, would you Mommy?"


He kept staring at me - shocked by this mother's behavior.

Part of me didn't want to satisfy his ridiculous concern "We don't have rose bushes."

"What if we did?"

"Ben...just watch.  Or leave the room."

He stayed.

Then came the wire hanger scene.

"OOO!  Ooo!  OIOOO! you guys!  Watch!  This is where the mommy goes REALLY crazy!" I started wringing my hands in anticipation.

As the wire hanger scene unfolded my kids were AWED by the mother's rage and TOTALLY CONFUSED by her hatred of wire hangers.  I told them I'd just be happy the clothes were up off the floor.

By the time Joan Crawford said "...clean up this mess." pointing to the wreckage of the closet and cleaner covered bathroom and left in a swerving, manic crazed daze (I have to say...I know that feeling), my kids thought I was a Goddess.

I shouted out "WHO HAS THE BEST MOMMY!"

"WE DO!" They shouted collectively and all hugged me.

I wonder when "The Step Father" is on?

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