Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

10 Reasons to Love LA During the Holidays

I am a transplanted New Yorker.  And like all transplanted New Yorkers, we love to kvetch about how LA doesn’t measure up to our gritty, crowded, bagel-laden homeland.

Well, the holiday season is the perfect time for us and our "ilk" (i.e. Chicago natives, Ohio natives, the random Philadelphian…) to amp up our complaints; "There's no snow." "There aren't any seasons..." "your pizza sucks!"(our favorite complaint…)

But maybe it’s not so bad.  I mean, when you look around, there are some really great things to love about Los Angeles over the holiday season.  For example:

1.  Out-of-work actors = A better class of Santa.    When our Santa’s say “Ho, Ho, Ho…” you feel it.

2.  Thanks to the miracle of plastic surgery, whatever gift you give the recipient always looks happy and surprised.

3.  Mistletoe is more effective when hung over the hot tub.

4. Chihuauas are soooooo much easier to "curb" than reindeer.

5. Because permit parking is never suspended, your guests can't overstay their welcome.

6.  No snow days.  The kids are in school…every…single…day.

7.  Rehab Christmas parties rock.

8.  No slush to ruin your Jimmy Choos.

9.  Drunk Driving is relative.  The police here really focus on the most drunk...

10. When you’re a transplanted New Yorker…your family isn’t around.  Finally...a Happy Holiday.☺

I hope you and your family have a very Happy Holidays,

Sarah @

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

10 Things I am Thankful For This Year

1) My family: Because they are a part of me, and I am a part of them, and they "Complete me"...blah, blah, blah.
2) My boyfriend:  Because he makes me laugh every day and  if I don't say it, he won't give me a backrub tonight)
3) The invention of wine: God bless the first person ever to take a swig of really old grape juice.
4) Tee Tree Oil: My only defense in my battle against that most horrific of infestations...smelly children. 
5) Fine Corinthian leather: Why not?  And I like saying it.
6) Coffee: Because life doesn't start in the morning without it.
7) The Food and Drug Administration: For not outlawing coffee as a drug despite the fact millions of people are addicted to it.
8) Bubble bath:  Because no matter how old you are, how fat you feel or how crappy your mood, bubble baths are transformative.  And tickley.
9) Guinea pigs: Because they are big enough to pet and you don't have to walk them 4 times a day.
10) The roof over my head and food on my table: Because no matter how glib I may get or how down I may feel, I never EVER go to bed without taking a few minutes to realize how lucky I am.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!


Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Girl's Got Game...

I figured with the TODAY Show/TODAYMoms piece up about Livi and possibly quitting gymnastics, I'd share a couple videos of her at States this past weekend.

Keep in mind, it's Level 3 (7 and 8 year olds), so it's not quite the Olympics - but I am kvelling (which, by the way, is also something else we Jews do in addition to kvetching.  Wait, maybe there's a kvelling version of a cheer too...

2! 4! 6!  8!

Alright, I'll stop with the cheers now.

I present to you, Livi on bars:


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

This Mama Didn't Raise No Quitter! Or Did I?...

If you read MommyLITE regularly, you've heard me rave about Livi's gymnastics prowess. (Click here to read my "Confessions of a Bleacher Mom")

About a month ago she told me she wanted to quit to be a cheerleader.  A CHEERLEADER!  Jews can't cheer!  We kvetch, but we don't cheer.  Unfortunately, competitive "kvetch-leading" never really took off (outside of my family at least):

"2, 4, 6, 8!
NOT ME! NOT ME!  NeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEVER ME!  OY!"

You see where I'm coming from.

Anyway, I was crushed.  And while Betsy Brown Braun, my parenting "Go To Gal" (and author of "You're Not The Boss of Me!") keeps drilling into me that that this "isn't about's about her!" I can't help but wonder if sometimes what makes it so hard is it's kinda both.  If I make her stay with it, am I just another Tiger Mom?  I prefer to think of myself more as a "Guinea Pig Mom" - I squeak with urgency but am pretty innocuous, and my kids know it.

What do you do when your kid is really good at something and then wants to quit?

Well, I have a post today up on TODAYMoms all about it (CLICK HERE to read "Should You Let Your Child Be A Quitter?).

Maybe Kvetching will catch on.  Or maybe, as I talk about in the "Confessions..." article...I should just go out and buy that f*cking recorder.

I'm really curious...what would you do?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Haiku Tuesday

I sit on my bed
Surrounded. Too much to file.
I think I will nap.

Monday, November 7, 2011

"Massage a Trois" and Other Things They Have in Heaven

First off...let me just say that going on vacation without children should be law.

Like maternity leave, our jobs should compensate us and cover the cost of child care while we escape, I mean "rejuvenate."  Every time I go away without children, I forget how TOTALLY AWESOME it can be!  Peace, quiet, adult conversation.  No children fighting, no children arguing, no children screaming.

The law should provide for at least one weekend of "parental rejuvenation" every 6 months.  The intent being so we can reboot, clean our mental slates, reorganize our thoughts and remember what's important.  Or, at the very least, go back to all of the fighting and arguing and screaming too hungover to care.

 Last weekend I got a chance to escape (I mean, rejuvenate...).  I went to the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad.  They invited me and Scott down for their "Grand Preview Weekend" and it was heaven.   I didn't even know heaven was IN Carlsbad.  (I had thought it was further north.  Maybe near Vancouver.)

I had no idea they had planned such a huge shebang, but Oh My God - it was unbelievable.  I didn't just get away from kids.  I got to attend a HUGE celebrity studded event intended to dazzle and introduce us to all of their amenities which had recently undergone a $50M renovation.  Seriously, they brought out ALL the big guns for this preview weekend.  It was crazy.   For example?  Um...okay...I met Deepak Chopra (YES!  DEEPAK CHOPRA!)!  Yeah.  Me and my man "Deep."  Hangin.  Well, not hanging, but he did speak to an intimate crowd of about 100 and he was brilliant.  And inspiring.  Did you know your body completely regenerates all of its atoms every 4 months?  You LITERALLY have a brand new body EVERY 4 months!  Or something like that.  At least, that's what I got from the speech...but then again...I had been drinking.

Post hanging out with Dr. Deep, I spent some quality time with my new BBF (that's Best Boy Friend as opposed to BFF), Mr. Big.  Yes, Chris Noth!  He was there!  And he is TALL!  And gorgeous.  And I touched him.  (The current restraining order was totally worth it...)  Scott was tolerant as my bloggy buddies and I giggled and tittered like 80's tweens at a Rick Springfield concert. 

The next morning, we got up to do a breakfast and boot camp with Jillian Michaels.  Yes.  That's right.  Jillian Michaels.  She spoke to us over breakfast about what bullsh*t "fad diets" are and how the ONLY way to get into shape was exercising, watching calories and getting lipo.  I'm kidding.  She said we had to eat as much organic foods as possible and limit chemical and artificial food intake.  SO EASY!  I can do THAT!  (I ran right out to Whole Foods as soon as I got home and bought organic Oreos.  I can already feel the fat melting away...)

Here's me and Jillian.  She's smirking because she is planning on kicking my ass...

And then there was bootcamp.  And, yes...she will make you cry.  If you don't pass out first.  Here's a video of me during the first 5 minutes of her workout.

Here is a picture of me with my fellow Bloggin' Mamas (Teresa Seid of, Mary Burt Godwin of, Andrea Fellman of, Stefanie Mullen of, Cheryl Rosenberg of The Orange County Register, and Beth Avent of post bootcamp workout.  That's me in the middle, leaning over (the truth is I couldn't stand up...)

In my mind I had already put in a full day's activities by 9:30am.   I was ready to go hang out at The Spa for the rest of the day until my treatment at the "Chopra Center" - a very special treatment designed to support the "balance and bliss" in my life (because they understand just how much I need more balance and bliss in my life...).   I had what they call an Odyssey Ayurvedic Massage Treatment. If you don't know what this is, all you need to understand is that it is done with TWO MASSAGE THERAPISTS AT THE SAME TIME!  DO YOU HEAR ME??!!  


Do you have any idea what it's like to be massaged by TWO people - at the SAME time????  Maybe you've had a Menage a Trois and you sort of you understand.  But really, I can't imagine it's the same thing.  A Menage a Trois just seems like so much work.  In all honesty, I'm not that ambitious.  I barely have the energy to do one guy at a time let alone two.  Is that so wrong?  After all, I'm a busy woman.

In short - if you have a bucket list, put a massage by two people at the same time on it.  If you DON'T have a bucket list, START one and put a massage by two people at the same time on it!  You are NOT allowed to die until you have tried this!

Sunday morning we rolled out of bed, hit the brunch buffet and went home.  To a house full of kids.  And they fought.  And they argued.  And they screamed.

But it was okay.  Because I had been rejuvenated.

P.S.  Next time I go back I have to bring the kids - if only so I have an excuse to ride this 3 story tall water slide.  Yowza!

Law requires me to tell you that Scott and I received a complimentary stay and services from La Costa Resort and Spa.  However, I am in NO WAY required or expected to endorse the property and ALL of my opinions and comments contained herein are 100%  my own.

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