Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...



Monday, November 7, 2011

"Massage a Trois" and Other Things They Have in Heaven

First off...let me just say that going on vacation without children should be law.

Like maternity leave, our jobs should compensate us and cover the cost of child care while we escape, I mean "rejuvenate."  Every time I go away without children, I forget how TOTALLY AWESOME it can be!  Peace, quiet, adult conversation.  No children fighting, no children arguing, no children screaming.

The law should provide for at least one weekend of "parental rejuvenation" every 6 months.  The intent being so we can reboot, clean our mental slates, reorganize our thoughts and remember what's important.  Or, at the very least, go back to all of the fighting and arguing and screaming too hungover to care.

 Last weekend I got a chance to escape (I mean, rejuvenate...).  I went to the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad.  They invited me and Scott down for their "Grand Preview Weekend" and it was heaven.   I didn't even know heaven was IN Carlsbad.  (I had thought it was further north.  Maybe near Vancouver.)

I had no idea they had planned such a huge shebang, but Oh My God - it was unbelievable.  I didn't just get away from kids.  I got to attend a HUGE celebrity studded event intended to dazzle and introduce us to all of their amenities which had recently undergone a $50M renovation.  Seriously, they brought out ALL the big guns for this preview weekend.  It was crazy.   For example?  Um...okay...I met Deepak Chopra (YES!  DEEPAK CHOPRA!)!  Yeah.  Me and my man "Deep."  Hangin.  Well, not hanging, but he did speak to an intimate crowd of about 100 and he was brilliant.  And inspiring.  Did you know your body completely regenerates all of its atoms every 4 months?  You LITERALLY have a brand new body EVERY 4 months!  Or something like that.  At least, that's what I got from the speech...but then again...I had been drinking.

Post hanging out with Dr. Deep, I spent some quality time with my new BBF (that's Best Boy Friend as opposed to BFF), Mr. Big.  Yes, Chris Noth!  He was there!  And he is TALL!  And gorgeous.  And I touched him.  (The current restraining order was totally worth it...)  Scott was tolerant as my bloggy buddies and I giggled and tittered like 80's tweens at a Rick Springfield concert. 

The next morning, we got up to do a breakfast and boot camp with Jillian Michaels.  Yes.  That's right.  Jillian Michaels.  She spoke to us over breakfast about what bullsh*t "fad diets" are and how the ONLY way to get into shape was exercising, watching calories and getting lipo.  I'm kidding.  She said we had to eat as much organic foods as possible and limit chemical and artificial food intake.  SO EASY!  I can do THAT!  (I ran right out to Whole Foods as soon as I got home and bought organic Oreos.  I can already feel the fat melting away...)

Here's me and Jillian.  She's smirking because she is planning on kicking my ass...


And then there was bootcamp.  And, yes...she will make you cry.  If you don't pass out first.  Here's a video of me during the first 5 minutes of her workout.

video

Here is a picture of me with my fellow Bloggin' Mamas (Teresa Seid of RockOnMommies.com, Mary Burt Godwin of TheMamaMaryShow.com, Andrea Fellman of SavvySassyMoms.com, Stefanie Mullen of SDMomfia.com, Cheryl Rosenberg of The Orange County Register, and Beth Avent of HipMamaB.com) post bootcamp workout.  That's me in the middle, leaning over (the truth is I couldn't stand up...)


In my mind I had already put in a full day's activities by 9:30am.   I was ready to go hang out at The Spa for the rest of the day until my treatment at the "Chopra Center" - a very special treatment designed to support the "balance and bliss" in my life (because they understand just how much I need more balance and bliss in my life...).   I had what they call an Odyssey Ayurvedic Massage Treatment. If you don't know what this is, all you need to understand is that it is done with TWO MASSAGE THERAPISTS AT THE SAME TIME!  DO YOU HEAR ME??!!  

TWO MASSAGE THERAPISTS!  AT THE SAME TIME!!

Do you have any idea what it's like to be massaged by TWO people - at the SAME time????  Maybe you've had a Menage a Trois and you sort of you understand.  But really, I can't imagine it's the same thing.  A Menage a Trois just seems like so much work.  In all honesty, I'm not that ambitious.  I barely have the energy to do one guy at a time let alone two.  Is that so wrong?  After all, I'm a busy woman.

In short - if you have a bucket list, put a massage by two people at the same time on it.  If you DON'T have a bucket list, START one and put a massage by two people at the same time on it!  You are NOT allowed to die until you have tried this!

Sunday morning we rolled out of bed, hit the brunch buffet and went home.  To a house full of kids.  And they fought.  And they argued.  And they screamed.

But it was okay.  Because I had been rejuvenated.

P.S.  Next time I go back I have to bring the kids - if only so I have an excuse to ride this 3 story tall water slide.  Yowza!

Law requires me to tell you that Scott and I received a complimentary stay and services from La Costa Resort and Spa.  However, I am in NO WAY required or expected to endorse the property and ALL of my opinions and comments contained herein are 100%  my own.

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