Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...

Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas Carols Written by Older Siblings...

This post was inspired by Isabel who just started singing "Let it go, Let it go, Let it go..." to the tune of "Let it Snow" in response to her little sister getting mad about her doing something (I have no idea what - nor do I particularly care) to her.

"Let it Go! Let it Go!  Let it Goooooo!!!!..."

Oh the weather outside is frightful
not an ummbrellaaaaa in sight-ful
I'll use yours and you won't know....
"Let it go, let it go, let it goooo......"

Oh that chocolate you have's delicious
and I know that you're suspicious
I ate your candy, now you know....
"Let it go, Let it go, Let it go..."

When we finally say good night
I so hate' putting toys on the shelf
Yeah, I played with them all day long
you're younger, do it yourseeeelllffff....

Oh I know that I'm your big sister...
And I know I make you pissed-er
but I'll say that I love you soooo...just so you'll
"Let it go, let it go, let it goooooo..."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Fine Art of Procrastination

I should be writing.  I've been sitting at my computer for 2 hours and I have lists and lists of things I really, really want to write about.  Things I KNOW would be fascinating and exciting to read.  PEARLS of entertainment I just KNOW I could bring to you...if only I actually wrote them.

But no.  Instead, I am sitting here with a friend of mine who is doing her Holiday Cards (btw she has an AWESOME card design company called Lo Lo Paper Treats...) while I "work" and we're Googling things like "World's Oldest Vegan." In case you're interested, some Vegan website says is 175 but we both agree that's total bullshit because the "World's oldest person" (which we had to look up next obviously) lived to 122.

You can see how productive we are.

Maybe I'll write more tomorrow.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Liebe Schab 1998 - 2011

This post is in loving memory of Liebe Schab, my mom's most beloved companion. 

Liebe, you were loyal, sweet, eminenently forgiving, occassionally a little disgusting, and always incredibly adorable.  We all loved you so very, very, very much.  

We will miss your visits, and we will miss seeing you at Grammy's house.  You brought Isabel, Livi and Ben so much joy and happiness and we feel so lucky to have had you in our lives for 13 years. 

Now go rest in your sunbeams and dig a few holes in heaven. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Kim Kardashian Reveals Lifelong Battle with Tartar!

In world news today, reality TV star Kim Karadashian revealed she has tartar.*

Word of the star’s condition was revealed yesterday when she tweeted “I need to floss” shortly after lunchtime.

Sources close to Kim said they were stunned by the news. “I have tartar. My sister has tartar.  But Kim? It’s just totally shocking!”

The few insiders who have known about her condition spoke of her lifelong battle with plaque and keeping gingivitis at bay.   “It’s been a struggle for her.  She needs to use a really good toothbrush - like the kind you plug in.”

Kris Jenner could be reached for comment.  “Her whole life has been marred by this problem.   I remember the dentist giving me the diagnosis when she was 6.  He said this was something she’d have her whole life.   I just sat down and cried.  Khloe had been diagnosed two years earlier, but Kim is the pretty one.    I was afraid it would hold her back as she got older.   But we’re Kardashians.  We’re strong.  And so is our tooth enamel.

The good news for Kim is that dentists and oral hygenists agree that tartar can be controlled with regular brushing and flossing.  But the threat still looms.  Miss a day, miss a week, and gingivitis could set in - threatening not just her oral health, but her well-being overall.

Kris confirmed that exclusive rights to Kim’s dental x-rays have been sold to Us Weekly for $1M.

* For legal reasons, I must note that this article is parody.   Kim Kardashian has not confided to me nor to anyone I know that she has tartar.   Nor did she tweet about flossing.  Whether or not US Weekly would find her dental X-rays newsworthy is an unknown. We can only hope not.

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