In world news today, reality TV star Kim Karadashian revealed she has tartar.*
Word of the star’s condition was revealed yesterday when she tweeted “I need to floss” shortly after lunchtime.
Sources close to Kim said they were stunned by the news. “I have tartar. My sister has tartar. But Kim? It’s just totally shocking!”
The few insiders who have known about her condition spoke of her lifelong battle with plaque and keeping gingivitis at bay. “It’s been a struggle for her. She needs to use a really good toothbrush - like the kind you plug in.”
Kris Jenner could be reached for comment. “Her whole life has been marred by this problem. I remember the dentist giving me the diagnosis when she was 6. He said this was something she’d have her whole life. I just sat down and cried. Khloe had been diagnosed two years earlier, but Kim is the pretty one. I was afraid it would hold her back as she got older. But we’re Kardashians. We’re strong. And so is our tooth enamel.
The good news for Kim is that dentists and oral hygenists agree that tartar can be controlled with regular brushing and flossing. But the threat still looms. Miss a day, miss a week, and gingivitis could set in - threatening not just her oral health, but her well-being overall.
Kris confirmed that exclusive rights to Kim’s dental x-rays have been sold to Us Weekly for $1M.
* For legal reasons, I must note that this article is parody. Kim Kardashian has not confided to me nor to anyone I know that she has tartar. Nor did she tweet about flossing. Whether or not US Weekly would find her dental X-rays newsworthy is an unknown. We can only hope not.