Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...



Friday, September 30, 2011

Escape from LA!

I am overworked, totally stressed out and hanging on by a thread.  So are a few of my friends.

So last week we spent the day at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills - SHHHHH don't tell our kids!  (...and don't worry - I was  lice-free!)

We sipped morning mojitos, ate fresh fruit by the pool, and  leisurely dips in the gorgeous jacuzzi.  And we didn't have to even leave town.  Just click here to read the story on  CBS/LosAngeles.com

Who knew escaping from LA was so simple?!  Kurt Russell never had it so easy.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Mommy Lice

Yup.

Lice.

We got em.

In fact, we got 2 of them.  (Well, if you add mine, we have 5 total).  But that's not the point.  We have lice and it TOTALLY SUCKS!

It just figures that we would start a new school, I would instantly offend somebody and THEN we would get lice.  When I walk into a new situation, I really make an impression.

Yeah...I figure, why waste my time getting to know people - shaking hands, smiling and being friendly.  No.  Not when I can make my true self known by crashing in, offending other mothers  and passing around some kind of infestation.  Let them see who I am from the start!

Crap.

So in addition to trying to get used to a new school, new people and a new schedule, my first week of school was spent driving back and forth three times from the local lice removal faeries (God Bless you Tipperary!), washing every piece of clothing we own, cleaning every towel (see photo for the HUGE pile of laundry I had to climb over to get to and from the kid's bathroom) stripping every bed (EVERY DAY) and topping it all off with a professional steam cleaning service coming in to debugify my sofas and carpets. 

I'm trying not to see this as some sort of biblical scale punishment for having insulted that mother, but it's hard. 

If we get a frog infestation, I'll know it's personal...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Put a Cork in It

My son loves a collection.  He likes to collect tons of something.  Anything really.  It only needs to serve one purpose - to take up space on his limited shelving.

This morning, he picked up a corked wine stopper I had on my counter.

"Mommy?  I'm going to start collecting corks."

"Okay." (Note my lack of enthusiasm...)

"Yeah.  You drink a lot of wine.  So I'll be good with corks."

Maybe I should take that as a sign...

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY: Lost lost tooth: Oxymoron? Or just moronic?

Sometimes I like to go through my archives and look to see what was going on a year ago.   Funny to see not much has changed...other than the big tooth came in...:)


My son JUST lost his front tooth.

Five minutes later he lost it again.  Somewhere on the kitchen floor.

After wiggling it, twisting it, and biting heartily into a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich he finally lost the tooth that's been loose for more than a month.

He was so excited he put it on a napkin right next to him.  So he could watch it and admire the bloody,  gleaming, "Chicklety" nature of it while he ate his lunch.

Then as he swiped his hand across the table to show all of us at the table how a "sandwich rocket" flies, he sent his tooth sailing.

You may recall, my son is a bit clumsy and somewhat "unaware" of his body as it moves through space, but this was a record "accident"... even for him.

If I were a better housekeeper this wouldn't have been a problem at all.  But unfortunately, it's been a couple days since I've swept (yes...ew...I know, I know...I just forgot).

Unfortunately, we'd had Matzoh Ball soup and these teeny tiny square crackers for dinner last night and I think there may have been tortilla chips involved in the lunch prior to that because the ENTIRE floor was covered in beige and white, tooth-sized crumbs.  It was like finding a needle in a crumbstack.  EVERYTHING looked like it could be the tooth.

I offered the kids a quarter to whomever found the tooth and we all ducked below and began searching.

I spotted something red and a little meaty looking.

"I FOUND IT!"

"YAY, MOMMY!" Ben shouted.

I triumphantly picked up the small red chunk to examine it. 

"Oh.  It's pizza.  Never mind."

I forgot.  We'd had pizza two nights ago.  I put the bit of pizza into a napkin so I wouldn't confuse it for the tooth again.

20 minutes later, we were all still scouring the floor examining small pieces of dried chicken, crackers, tortilla chips and more pizza hoping to find the tooth in this haystack of crumbs.  It was hopeless.  And a little disgusting.

I waved the white flag.

"You know what Ben?  I hear the tooth fairy is really nice and you can just right her a note to say you accidentally lost the tooth and can't find it."

"Can you write the note for me?"

"No.  That's part of the deal.  She'll recognize the tooth loss, but you have to write the note yourself."

Yup.  He bought it.

"Don't get excited, sometimes she doesn't come."  Said Livi - having learned from her own experience with the tooth fairy (see "One Flakey Fairy").

"No, no.  She'll come.  She just gets really busy sometimes." I said sweeping up the remnants of our last few meals. If the tooth was there, it was now going bye-bye with all the crumbs.  I was a little sad about it.  It was such a cute tooth.

Anyway, he was satisfied with the resolution and is now writing his letter to the tooth fairy.  I'm cleaning my floor.

I would love for one of my kids to lose a tooth without any drama.  Of course, I realize my part in this.  I should be cleaner.  I need to be cleaner.  I WILL be cleaner - starting right now!  New rule - NO teeth on the table.


SIX HOURS LATER...

We found the tooth!  We sat down to dinner and it was on his chair.  Obviously, in cleaning the floor it didn't dawn on me to clean the chairs.  I'm really not good at this "cleaning" business. 

YAY!  Isn't it cute?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Chocolate Salami

Chocolate Salami.

A friend and I went to Il Covo on West 3rd in Hollywood last night.  When the waiter suggested Chocolate Salami for dessert last night I ordered it based solely on the fact I HAD to see what Chocolate Salami looked like.  I mean don't you already have an image in your head?

Anyway, I figured it's chocolate...and salami...How can you go wrong?  Right? 

OMG - this was delicious.  It's not really salami...I guess you figured that out.  It's sort of like a chocolate cookie dough with nuts in it - thinly sliced and presented with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle.

Our only disappointment?  When we ordered it my friend and I were sort of rooting for it to come in a log form with two balls of ice cream.  Would have made a much more interesting story.   But it didn't.

But I did sit next to KATE MOSS!  (...she did not have the chocolate salami.)


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