Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...



Thursday, April 26, 2012

Playing Catch

I haven't had a chance to post about all the stuff that's been going on here lately - and oh boy...they're worthy of posts...did I mention the black eye?



Well, I thought until the dust settles a bit it (and the restraining order kicks in) it would be fun to go through my archives and find some of my favorites from when I started this blog back in 2009.

It is SO WEIRD to read these and remember how little my kids were.  I am so happy I have this blog so I can remember it all.  (Even the stuff I thought I would never want to remember.)

Playing Catch

I played catch with my daughter this weekend.

A game of mother/daughter "catch", I've discovered, is nothing at all like the game of catch I've seen between father and son.

Here's how father/son catch goes:
  • Son stands a good distance away from father.  A beautiful field of fresh cut green between them.
  • Father tosses hard baseball (a ball the father bought the son for his 2nd birthday) in a tight fast fashion to his son who stands a good distance away...
  • Son catches the ball with a solid "Thwap" to his glove (yes...he's equipped with a glove).
  • Father smiles with pride.
  • Son pitches ball back to father who catches the ball with another solid "Thwap" followed by confirmation of his skills with "Good one, son!"

Here's Mother/Daughter catch:

I purchase a small rubber playground ball at the toystore before our trip to the park.  It is bright green, rubbery soft and has small blue animal footprints on it.

  • We stand about 10 feet from each other.
  • I toss the ball underhand to my daughter who flinches and it bounces off her hands and rolls back in my direction.  I run to catch it.
  • I throw the ball again and she catches it and holds it aloft saying "I got it! Look!"
  • "Great Honey, I reply.  Good job!"
  • She tosses the green rubber ball back to me and it flies over my head downfield (which unfortunately for me, also means down hill since the field is on an angle...this is not Beverly Hills.)
  • I run.  The two  guys next to me (a teenage son and father) laugh at me as I continue to chase the rubber ball which eludes  my grasp over and over again, continuing to roll downhill.  I am grateful for the blue footprint design so I can track the tiny rolling moose footprints.
  • We toss the ball a few times successfully to each other.  We get cocky.
  • I decide we're ready to step it up a bit, and besides...I didn't feel like I was really "nailing it", so I do a "wind-up" thingy like you see in Baseball and "pitch the ball to my daughter and her waiting arms.  I pelt her on the cheek and she cries.
  • We stop for a "consolation break."
  • She recovers and we reestablish our positions on the field.
  • I decide to go light and toss the ball underhand.
  • The ball gets stuck in the tree overhead.
  • I have to ask the father and son next to us to use their expertise to use THEIR ball to help dislodge OUR ball from the pine tree.
  • We root for them.
  • They succeed.
  • We get the ball back and decide we might do better if we got really close to each other.  We stand about 2 feet apart.
  • I try to use this experience to "toughen" her up with a game of "don't flinch".
  • We throw the ball back and forth really fast and try not to blink.  
Yes, Mother/Daughter catch is an exciting game for sure.  Next time I think I'll bring a bigger ball.  Yeah...that's the problem...we need a bigger ball.

Originally published on MommyLITEonline.com on 10/21/09

Monday, April 16, 2012

What's On an 8 Year Old's Shopping List?

Livi's been keeping my shopping list for me.  I just took a look. 

I'm going to need help finding the "playdate" aisle...

Friday, April 13, 2012

Weird? Define, "Weird"

In case you missed my newsflash/jumping up and down/skywriting...I am officially one of Circle of Mom's TOP 25 Funny Moms!  I came in #20 but I'll take it.  Thank you SO MUCH to ALL of you who voted over, and over, and over, and over...again.  I am satisfied that we squelched the hopes and dreams of far funnier moms by desperately working the system to maintain a position on top!  WOOT! WOOT!

Part of winning is they interview the winners and post our answers. I expected questions like "What inspired you to start blogging?" or "How did you choose your Blog name?" but no.  Circle of Moms asked us some questions that really made us think, well, made ME think.  Here is one of them. 


What's your child's weirdest habit?

Um...define "weird." Other people's "weird" often seems totally normal to me. Meanwhile, MY kind of "weird" might worry experts in the medical community...it's so hard to judge without a basis for comparison but I'll try: My oldest daughter quacks. All of the time. She's 12. She quacks "hello," She quacks "goodbye"...she quacks when she walks (think "The Penguin" in Batman) and in a variety emphatic levels to alert us as to how she's feeling and whether or not she approves of something. It's weird. But is it any weirder then the fact that I answer her by quacking in return?? My son likes to regale us with his medical ailments. He's 8. The latest is that his "instep is bothering him." Yes. His "instep." He's like an old man from Miami. He even loves Denny's. And his twin sister? Well, that wouldn't be fair. She was recently diagnosed with OCD so where would I start. It could be her need to walk on her hands everywhere (seriously...walk ON her hands!) or it could be that she has to kiss each of my shoulders before she goes to bed. Maybe it's her collection of tiny lanyard clippings...

Other questions included naming our three favorite blog posts ever and asking us where we go when we need a laugh.  There was a third question, "What's the strangest gadget for kids you've ever seen?" but I gotta tell ya...that stumped me.  I think if I was an alien and landed on this planet that wipe warmers would surprise me, but who's to say...

To see who else is a TOP 25 Funny Mom and read everyone their answers to these probing questions,  go to http://www.circleofmoms.com/article/top-25-funny-moms-2012-03464.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Spring Break - Is It Over Yet?

Remember when Spring Break meant pack your bikini and strategically hide your weed in a tampon applicator?  I mean...bring your sunscreen?

Now, as a mom, Spring Break consists of finding activities that entertain all three of my children or be endless pummeled all day long with "What are we doing today?"; "Can we go get ice cream now?" and "Are we going to have to sit around all day?"   

I don't remember my parents entertaining me during spring breaks.  In fact, I vividly recall being shipped off to my grandparents in Florida during spring break.  My sister and I - unsupervised minors on the packed morning TWA flight from Newark to Ft. Lauderdale - making our way, parent-less, to irritate other people, who were not my parents.

That's how we did spring break in the 70's.

Now, "Spring Break" consists of my children waking me up every morning (when I "should" be allowed to sleep - since I don't have to take anybody to school) waiting for me to present an acceptable itinerary - like Julie on The Love Boat.

I'd like to know - just what's really so bad about sitting about watching TV, napping and at most adventurous - cleaning a closet or two?

What I wouldn't give for a bikini and some strategically hidden weed.  How many days are left?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Overheard on the Trampoline...

My 8 year old son has one of his best friends from his 3rd grade class over.  They're jumping on the trampoline outside my window.

I just overheard this conversation:

Ben: "So you were going out with her?"

Friend: "Yeah.  I was going out with her til like January.  But we broke up after the puppet show."

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