Finding the funny in parenthood before somebody loses an eye...



Thursday, April 25, 2013

Are You a Sh*tty Mom?

Are you a sh*tty mom?

I am.

And I know this because my kids remind me at every opportunity.

At the beach, at the mall, out at lunch, even at birthday parties, my kids will pull me aside and say "yeah, yeah...all this is great...but have you sewn my patches onto my karate gi yet?  I've asked you a thousand times!!!"

And I'm like "seriously?  Can you really criticize my actions as a mother with a mouthful of cake?"

The answer is yes.  Yes they can.

I'm not saying they're not justified in believing I'm inadequate.  I'm just saying I am sick of hearing about it.  I know my shortcomings better than anyone.  And the day only has so many hours.  At what point do I make setting up a sleepover with that friend from camp a priority over setting up renter's insurance and doctor's appointments?  And is picking up a new bag of Oreo cookies because I mentioned they could have them in their lunch the next day more important than finishing the laundry, making dinner, cleaning the hamster cage, while generating a new article and pitching it?  Okay, sometimes I ditch it all for a nap...but you can see why I'm so exhausted.

All I'm asking for is a little slack.  An opportunity to breathe between checking off items on my "To Do" list.

I get it, I get it...you want all the patches on your  Gi because you've worked so hard to earn them.  You've put in the hours, the time and so much energy.  You simply want to reap the benefits of your hard work.  You deserve it.

Well guess what, buttercup...that's how I feel about my nap.

There is no way to solve this conundrum.  I'm a sh*tty mom if I drive to get the patches put on at the expense of doing the load of dirty laundry that has your favorite socks in it.  And I'm a sh*tty mom if I wash your socks and your gi goes undecorated. 

There's no winning.  And I'm done trying.  So as far as I'm concerned I'm embracing my inner Sh*tty Mom - which I guess has wormed it's way out.

I AM A SH*TTY MOM!

And just in case I ever forget just how sh*tty I am, I have three kids around 24/7 to remind me.

*******************************
Are you a Sh*tty Mom too?

COME TOAST TO IT with me and the authors of The Sh*tty Mom Handbook, Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner, on Tuesday, April 30th at 7pm - Books and Cookies in Santa Monica.

There will lots of other Sh*tty Moms on hand, including Kristin Cruz, host of KOST FM's "The Mark and Kristin Show"; Samantha Ettus of Working Mom's Lifestyle; Laura Tremaine of HollywoodHousewife.com; Lori Caden, Founder of Belly Bandit; Dani Klein Modisette, Producer/Author of "Afterbirth": and Emmy nominated"Conan" writer, Laurie Kilmartin.

It's going to be a GREAT evening!  (Did I mention amazing swag?  If not...there's going to be amazing swag!)



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